Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
