I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize