john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
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you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize