Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
