Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
