I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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