I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
love makes seman taste better
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
