i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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