you guys were way drunker than both of me
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
