He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
