I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
