absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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