My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
