you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
