so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
