Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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