Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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