i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
