You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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