o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
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