her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
