i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
