Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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