Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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