there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
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I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize