I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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