I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
