He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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