I love watching others lives come down to our level.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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