hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
