..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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