So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
