its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
