from now on my penis is your penis
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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