This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
