you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
