It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
