I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
