Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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