So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
