she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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