I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
