You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm too high and old for this...
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