btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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