Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
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The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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