It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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