She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.