3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
