So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
