meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
