I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
