ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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