I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
