I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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