I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
