I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
