This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize