he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize