Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
