if i can run in heels then i can drive
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
